Life is not a dress rehearsal

dcfullest @ 2008-05-17T12:32:00

2008-05-17T16:40:48Z

My husband has to work today and I have nothing to do-- which is typical of our weekends, we hardly ever manage to have the same Saturdays off. So I am all about self-entertainment today (wow that sounds far dirtier than I meant it too!).

I hit the farmers market and got:
Suger snap beans
Homeamade Italian Potato Bread (taste like a farmer's bread)
Aged Cheddar
Strawberries
Baby Zuchinnis

Dinner is going to kick ass tonight (although, I think I need to steal crowjoys lemon pie!) --I think we are going to grill out and I will make a zuchinni casserole. I am already chowing down on a cheese sandwhich and the beans with yogurt dip.

I also stopped by the garden center and got: another window box for my celosia, zuchinni plant, cucumber plant and some chive seeds. We are going to eat well and healthy this summer. I just started reading Real Food which will inspire just about anyone to go to the farmer's market or start growing their own food.

dcfullest @ 2008-05-16T18:43:00

2008-05-16T22:39:34Z

dcfullest @ 2008-05-14T16:24:00

2008-05-14T20:24:38Z

A bizarre day:

- Girl passes out beside me in line at a restaurant. I help her up. She was fine, just hadn't eaten anything yet that day. They still called an ambulance.
- The goodyear blimp flies over me
- I arrive at church, only to see police lights. Someone got pulled over, but it still was strange.

Can't wait to see wait happens next.

dcfullest @ 2008-05-09T18:04:00

2008-05-09T22:08:36Z

The happy couple. "Little Man" is wearing his "Same poop, different day!" shirt. Girlfriend is modeling a fetching red harness.

dcfullest @ 2008-05-09T10:54:00

2008-05-09T14:52:33Z

Michelle Duggar is pregnant, yet again.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080509/ap_on_re_us/18_kids

My Office

2008-05-08T17:16:25Z

My office. Yes, it is messy, but it serves me well.

I bought the "Mystery of Ductless Glands" book, simply because it was the strangest book title I have ever read. I have never actual read it.

dcfullest @ 2008-05-07T22:11:00

2008-05-08T02:09:10Z

My mother is a huge Hillary supporter, my step-father is a staunch Republican. I just made a donation to Obama's campaign in their names :)

dcfullest @ 2008-05-07T11:58:00

2008-05-07T15:59:00Z

I had my blood draw for the genetic testing we need today--- they took 12 vials of blood! I had to fast beforehand, so I was feeling a little loopy on my drive home. Had I known I was getting the vampire treatment, I would have brought my husband along.

I have never been so excited about eating my frozen waffles before!

--------------------------

My tomato plants now have four flowers on them! Yumminess is coming soon.

dcfullest @ 2008-05-05T15:07:00

2008-05-05T19:12:41Z

Things that I thought were going to be awful, but now aren't so bad:
1. We got a notice from our complex telling us our rent was going up $300 a month, if we signed a year long lease and about $500 a month, if we went month to month. I started calling around and couldn't find anything that would compare to what we have now in terms of convenience and value. I found one place, but it would be smaller and traditional apartment, instead of a townhouse like we have now. I decided to stop by on my way to visit it to talk to our current management, who are notoriously unhelpful. Turns out I wasn't the only one, unwilling to pay the huge increase and they are offering us a better deal. We can get a 12-13 month lease for "only" $150 more each month, or a 14-18 month for $100 more. While it isn't great, it is manageable.
2. My doctor told us our insurance probably wouldn't pay for the genetic testing he wanted us to have. When I finally got someone on the phone today, they told me it was all completely covered. Woot!
3. Our apartment maintenance staff doesn't usually win gold stars for competence. The guy they sent today, did everything right! Now I can do laundry without the closet door falling off the hinges everytime.

Got to remember the good stuff!

dcfullest @ 2008-05-02T18:03:00

2008-05-02T22:13:03Z

There are really good people still in this world.

Husband and I were walking in Georgetown on Tuesday night and my wallet/car key thingy dropped out of my back pocket. I didn't feel it fall and apparently didn't notice for awhile. It had my credit cards, drivers license, $30 and a few other discount cards in it. We searched up and down Wisconsin, desperately looking for it and never found it. I called and canceled my credit cards immediately, luckily they hadn't been used.

That night, I filed a lost property report with the DC police, which was incredibly frustrating-- it took me multiple tries to find the right phone number. It is easy if you live in DC, just call 311, however I live in NoVa and it took me forever to find it. Then the woman and I couldn't understand each other's accents. (When I am tried/stressed my southern accent gets THICK.)

I just got a call from the Gold's Gym in Roslyn, someone just dropped the wallet off there. All my stuff is still in it--even the cash. I have no idea how my wallet traveled that far, but I love the person who did it!

I could weep with gratitude!

dcfullest @ 2008-05-01T08:35:00

2008-05-01T13:11:15Z

This is really hard. I know raising a child isn't all rainbows and unicorns, but shouldn't the conception part be fun? I hate that we have to think this hard and make such difficult decisions, in order to have a biological child.

In many ways I had closed the door to biological children before my miscarriage. I had just accepted that children would come into our life through a different door. We are excited about the foster care program we are in training for. (BTW-Northern Virginia is one of the best places in the United States to do foster care). I am still following the fertility diet, doing acupuncture and debating the merits of doing a few more rounds of IUI in the Fall, so I hadn't given up all hope of bio kids, just moved my focus elsewhere.

And then this happened and we headed back to our doctor's office. The meeting we had with him didn't settle anything or give us any answers, just lots more to ponder. He says his gut is telling him that we just have horrific luck with our fertlity, but he would like to run one test definitely and wants us to consider another. The definite test is to determine if we have "balanced translocation" issues. Here is the wiki page to explain it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chromosomal_translocation -- it isn't exactly clear enough for me to explain it yet. It is a simple blood draw for us and would mean that if we have this issue, we would definitely have to have a specific type of IVF in order to have a viable pregnancy.

The second blood test is to determine if I am having clotting problems, meaning my blood isn't getting to the babies after 9-10 weeks of pregnancy. While this could have been the cause for the first miscarriage, this last one happened too early for it to be a factor. It is almost a guarantee that pregnancies lost this early are due to chromosomal deficiencies. The problem with the clotting test is that it grades on a pass/fail basis. So I could "fail" the test, but only by a small margin, and we will never know if the clotting issue would ever be bad enough to definitely cause a problem in my pregnancy. The only way to determine if the clotting issue is definitely a problem would be if I continued to lose pregnancies late in my first trimester (which sounds like HELL to me). If I failed the test, I would have to be treated for it throughout my pregnancy-- which means daily shots of heparin, a blood thinner.

Do I want to subject myself to this treatment, if it isn't definitely a problem? On the other hand, if it is a problem and I do not have the test and treatment, any other pregnancy I had would end in miscarriage. The thought of going through this again makes me crazy with grief. I hate that the cost factor is also part of the equation, it might not be covered by my insurance and would cost $2000+.

Infertility medicine is still such a new field, diagnoses and treatments are being made on a weekly basis and there are hardly any definite answers. Everything I deal with is a "gray area", for once in my life I would like some positive black and white.

dcfullest @ 2008-04-30T13:44:00

2008-04-30T17:44:25Z

In the last week, I found out I was pregnant and I was having a miscarriage. We met with the doctor to discuss our next steps and have decided to pursue more testing to understand why this keeps happening.

Thank God I was at my mom's house this weekend, she took good care of me.

Be back when I feel like talking more.

dcfullest @ 2008-04-12T23:33:00

2008-04-13T03:34:35Z

Wow this artist's work will make you think, and recommit yourself to using reuseable bags and bottles:

http://www.chrisjordan.com/current_set2.php

dcfullest @ 2008-04-12T17:17:00

2008-04-12T21:19:37Z

I love my Sigg!

I have this one in red.

Why tap water is better than bottled:

http://green.yahoo.com/blog/climate411/91/bottles-bottles-everywhere.html

dcfullest @ 2008-04-12T17:00:00

2008-04-12T21:05:47Z

Spring is here! I just planted two window boxes of Dianthus:

And two tomato plants, one "early girl" and one "big boy". I put them both in the same pot, wonder if they will be up to funny business and create baby tomatoes.

Then I swept the porch and was stunned about how dirty it got over the winter.

Now its time to Spring Clean. Anybody want to do it for me?

dcfullest @ 2008-04-07T01:27:00

2008-04-07T06:08:57Z

I am good most days, I am pumped about fostering. I love hoping, dreaming and imagining where this road is taking us. For the first time in a long time, I looked at the baby furniture on IKEA and didn't get up upset. Instead I thought about what a comfort a warm, safe bed or crib will be for the children we will have in lives through fostering. I don't think we are going to save the world, just make a real difference in one child's life and that brings me joy.

But this weekend has been hard. I was doing lots of church things and found out two more women are pregnant that I am close too. Within the past month, three other pregnancies have been announced. We also had a baby dedication at church, we would have dedicated our baby today, had we not miscarried. This makes me deeply sad.

It also makes me angry that I just can't purely celebrate with these friends. I hate that so many joyous events have been tainted by my infertility and miscarriage. I hate that no matter how hard I try not to, they have become part of my life lense. I don't want to look through them at everything. But they are part of my life's story and I feel like it would be disrespecting part of me, by trying to ignore them (not that I really could). I am trying to understand how to honor my story, without letting it overtake me, just haven't found a way to do that yet.

Here I am Lord and I’m drowning in Your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me, I yearn for peace and rest" - Casting Crowns, "East to West"

dcfullest @ 2008-04-02T22:01:00

2008-04-03T01:58:03Z

A friend of mine just offered us a free cabin for a week in June in Killington, VT. Anybody know anything about the area that isn't related to skiing?

dcfullest @ 2008-03-27T18:46:00

2008-03-27T22:46:42Z

My mom started doing our family tree and the best we can determine is that my grandmother's grandparents were dropped off by aliens. Seriously, we can't find anything on them anywhere. It doesn't help that her grandfather had a really, really common name and lived in a rural area. We know he was a farmer, basically because that was the only job available in that part of the state.

I was helping mom look through death certificates in our state's archives ( i just realized how lame that sounds.) So as I am flipping through the records, I found a guy who crushed to death between a mating bull and cow.This is a man with no friends. Because a good friend would either:
A) Get you out of that situation.
or
B) If they couldn't , they would make up a lie, so you wouldn't have "CRUSHED BY MATING" on your death certificate

We almost got kicked out of the archives I was laughing so hard. But when I showed the librarian, he understood.

(Thanks for the idea Pom_e_granate)

dcfullest @ 2008-03-23T14:37:00

2008-03-23T18:43:28Z

So we are trying to get better about cooking at home and not just going out b/c we don't have any food we feel like cooking. Doing this benefits us in numerous ways, mainly it is a lot healthier and cheaper. This week's menu:

Sunday night:
Leftover chicken breast
Mushroom Risottos

Monday:
Salmon on Grilled Romaine with Blue Cheese Dressings

Tuesday:
Chicken Curry on Brown Rice
Chickpeas

Wednesday:
Church Food

Thursday:
Frozen Whole Wheat Pasta

Friday:
Homemade Pizza, using Whole Food's Recipe:
http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/recipes/value/v_sausageartichokepizzas.html

Saturday:
Breakfast at IHOP
Dinner: Leftover Pizza

Lunches with a combo of leftovers and Amy's Frozen Burritos, supplemented with fruit and granola bars

dcfullest @ 2008-03-22T20:58:00

2008-03-23T01:04:59Z

In preparation for our home visit:
I have washed four loads of laundry, even blankets and rugs
Thrown out a rug onourporch that was beyond repair/cleaning
Straighten up our porch and longed for spring when I can have pretty outside plants
Dealt with a mound of clothes that were stacked instead of hung up
Cleaned off our dresser--our bedroom landing zone

Maybe regular home visits would be a good thing :)

I also made a kick ass cobb salad, watched way too much basketball and kicked butt on my basketball bracket (so far).

dcfullest @ 2008-03-22T10:23:00

2008-03-22T14:23:43Z

Check out this peep show-- one of the coolest things the Washington Post does all year:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/03/20/AR2008032002753.html

This is one of the least exciting dioramas:

dcfullest @ 2008-03-17T20:07:00

2008-03-18T00:04:14Z

I really shouldn't be this excited about the new episode of Big Band Theory. Science nerds make me happy.

dcfullest @ 2008-03-17T19:39:00

2008-03-17T23:41:55Z

Is there some sort of magic formula for keeping mushrooms fresh? Every single time I buy mushrooms and don't use them that day they go bad. It drives me crazy. I hate to eat only canned mushrooms, since I don't think they have the same nutritional value. But, I just can't afford to throw them out if the menu changes.

My hair is cute-- I got 4 inches chopped off and have bangs that are mid-cheek length. I got highlights and lowlights--3 different shades. We decided to put off the red streaks until Fall, since they will get bleached out by the sun far too quickly this Spring. And I really liked the girl who did it. She is graduating from the school next month, so I will probably have to pay more, but I am willing to have someone I trust cut and color my hair.

dcfullest @ 2008-03-17T01:44:00

2008-03-17T05:45:50Z

Just when I finally figure out the food thing, I ate gummy bears this afternoon-- packed with artificial dye, high fructose corn syrup and other crap. Now I have a horrific headache. I can't eat crap like that without it doing horrible things to my body. I don't know why at the time I thought the gummy bears were worth it.
I want to apply these lessons, I feel so much better when I do.

dcfullest @ 2008-03-14T17:21:00

2008-03-14T21:20:39Z

I am finally able to get my haircut and colored on Monday! Can't decide if I will stick to blonde highlightsor go back to red with blonde highlights.Since I am going to the Paul Mitchell school I will probably stay with just blonde since they are safer/easier for a beginer. But, I am getting some inches chopped off-- it still graze my shoulders, I am not brave enough to go short yet.