I talked to the lady in charge of the fostering program. She was quite nice and encouraging. I am looking forward to meeting her next week at the information session. She did tell me that the training/background checks take around 6 months to complete, which I think is a good long time to sit with this and decide if it is right for us. Who knows where we will be in that time? 

My pastor told me a great thing today: "It won't always feel like this." In that short sentence, he acknowledge our pain, our potential for healing from that pain, and hope for our future. I am grateful for him. 

On the other hand, I want to drop kick someone else who just told me I need to pray more and relax and I will give birth. Sorry buddy, but I have been praying for 2 years, you don't get to make me doubt my faith and the sincerity of my prayers. More prayer won't lead to my ovaries suddenly deciding to cooperate. And if I follow that belief what does it mean if I don't ever give birth? That God doesn't want it for me? Sorry, but I can't believe in a God that would plan this pain for me. 

More prayer will lead to me finding peace, which is what I want. Peace in knowing we are making the right decisions. 

And I will start praying again. I just can't right now. And I believe God understands that. 

I came home from work and found a letter from my fertility clinic. My insurance has approved me for 3 more IUIs-- which we thought was impossible. 

Well, I guess our conversations got even more complicated.

My mom just called me and said "I feel like the girl on the Exorcist with her head spinning around?"
I told her at least her head was still attached.